Lesson Learned

This week, I learned a lesson.  That I'm not too old to learn a lesson.  At first, I was defensive, then mad, apologetic and last but not least, reflective.  I'm a 35 year old who can be childish and is too sensitive and stubborn for my own good.  What is so frustrating is that what I project at times, especially to others, isn't what I feel in my heart and definitely isn't who I am or want to be.  I talk too much.  I always have.  That is never good.

I read a quote not too long ago that has stuck with me.  "If only people would listen with the same passion that they have for wanting to be heard."

That's me in a nutshell.  I just want to be heard.  Problem is, I forget to listen.  It isn't intentional but an inability to shut everything off in my head and focus on what I'm presented with at that moment.

So, after a long week, I came home Friday to a large bouquet of flowers from a husband that adores me no matter what.  They weren't Valentine's Day flowers.  They were "You haven't had a lot of W's in the win category lately" flowers.  And that is why I treasure him.  I don't mind being called out on my mistakes or craziness and I definitely don't have a problem apologizing when necessary but at the end of the day, my husband and my three glorious children, they are the only people who I want/need approval from.  Everyone else...they are people placed in my life by God for a reason, even if it is just to teach me to let things go and apologize.

Can I get an order of SERENITY now please?-

I'm staring at counters full of school papers, grocery bags, library books and tons of crumbs thanks to Eli's constant eating.  Chairs are full of ironing, toys and junk mail.  The floor, even though I just mopped, has all kinds of mystery stuff on it...again, thanks to my bottomless pit.  Yet, here I sit.  I can't figure out whether I want to throw my hands up, laugh or cry.  I promise that as I type and look at all of the things I need to do, I really am thinking, "I'm glad I have three amazing munchkins to clean up after."  Even though I know this and feel it in my heart, I still don't know if I should throw my hands up, laugh or cry.  Just because I know how I should feel about the "stuff" or to do list, doesn't make it any easier.  Especially when I thrive on order and feel more at peace when things are organized and clean.  The fact that I can't find one of #3's shoes, t-shirts for Disney World have disappeared and I just stepped on a Hot Wheel...barefoot, isn't helping matters.  So, while #2 and #3 are napping, I'm choosing to sit here in silence instead of tackling the bazillion things on my to do list.  I may regret it later but for now, it is a few minutes I can call my own.  One day, my counters will be spotless and I will be begging for my munchkins to be little again, messing stuff up.  Or not.  

Now, I'm going to browse through The Container Store online and dream of more organized days.