Yesterday marked the beginning. The beginning of eighteen years of car line, alarm clocks, packed lunches, uniforms, field trips, rushing to extracurricular activities and having to say, "Not tonight because it is a school night."
It was heartbreaking. Ava Lena teared up when she told Eli good bye and that she would miss him. She left me in charge of Snoopy and Duff during the days (this is a huge deal) and she promised Nora she would play "puppy" with her when she came home. She told me she was "a little sad" because she was going to miss me. I fought back tears. Kevin and I took her to school and yes, we were the crazy parents with the camera. Yes, we walked our child into the classroom. No, we were not embarrassed. Ava sat in her classroom with a solemn look on her face, taking it all in. When the teacher asked if anyone needed a hug, she ran to me. She said, "I just want a hug from you mommy." Still fighting back tears. Kevin hugged her good-bye and she said, "I will be here longer than I was at bridges. Can you please write me letters?" Bless her heart. Then it was my turn. I gave her a hug and told her I was proud of her. When she hugged me, she looked at me with her big doe eyes and whispered in my ear, "Please don't go Mommy." I couldn't fight the tears any more. I gave her a kiss, went to Kevin and walked out of the door as fast as I could. We walked fast because he knew I had to get out of there and that I was about to just lose it. It wasn't long before I couldn't stop crying. She is my baby. She will always be my baby. I am supposed to always be there when she needs or wants me. I have for five years so knowing I couldn't stay when she needed me to was crushing. She is my sidekick. She goes everywhere with me. She is my best friend and I am hers.
Kevin took the day off and I figured out that it was for me, not completely for Ava. Nora kept saying, "Car? Pick WaWa (her affectionate name for Ava) up?" We all piled in and couldn't get in the car line fast enough! It was great to see her smiling face jump into the car. Too bad we have to do it all over again each day.
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| Packing up! |
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| Getting a hug from Mrs. Civitelli. |
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| This was when she was whispering in my ear not to leave her. Painful. |
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| By far my favorite picture of these two. So genuine. |
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| I got to volunteer to help the class during lunch. It was fun to have lunch with Ava Lena on her first day. |
Day Two
As I was fixing Ava Lena's hair, she said, "This is going to last longer than I thought." Love her. It has hit her that she is going to have to do this every day. I'm not happy about it either Ava Lena.
I let her walk me to her classroom today. She sat down and I started walking down the hall. I was a good 3 or 4 classrooms away when I heard her yelling, "Mommy I will miss you. I love you!" I turned around and she was yelling and blowing me kisses. No tears this time but I definitely felt a lump in my throat. I'm not used to this whole leaving her thing. I don't like it. I have a feeling I never will with Ava Lena, Nora or Eli. I am definitely not ashamed for being so attached to my children. It's how God made me.
Now, I'm just watching the clock. Thirty more minutes and I will be waiting in car line with one crying 3 month old who isn't a fan of sitting in the car seat and a 2 1/2 year old who misses her big sister.
Wow. Parenting is tough.
